Saturday, November 3, 2018

New Crayons

So as many of you know I teach Pre School. Two-Three year olds to be precise. So last night I took my approximately 75-100 crayons of assorted brands, sizes and colors and painstakingly took of all the wrappers, sorted them by color and melted them down and poured them into silicone molds to make toddler sized chubby crayons. Toddlers have a hard time with small crayons and even the jumbo sized ones I found they were still getting broken often and the kids had a hard time gripping them. So I made these for them. I am very excited to show my class on Monday. I think the flower shape will be easier to grab and the petals will allow for detailed coloring still. I am proud of my teachering this weekend!

Wednesday, October 24, 2018


Since changing the focus of this blog, it has allowed me to focus on other things in my life that I need to talk about. So here is what happened to me today. You will either understand or you won't, but if you do, then I am sorry because it means you are hurting too. It is almost Halloween, which means like many of you I began watching the new hit Netflix show "Haunting of Hill House".
If you are watching it too you probably are hiding behind your fingers, jumping at every ghost and spooky noise. It's a horror movie... plain and simple.
But not for me.
It is the story of a family of five siblings dealing with the grief of losing their youngest sibling. The initial shock, the funeral, the anger, the pain, of sitting in a room with your 3 siblings in front of the body of your 4th, knowing it's the last time all 5 of you will be together.
I have barely cried in the last 8 months, maybe a few times, here and there, BAD DAYS as I like to call them. "Please leave me alone it's a BAD DAY".
I know that a lot of people talk about triggers, triggering trauma, be careful of trigger words... and I have dealt with it before, when I lost the baby, watching other friends deliver healthy beautiful babies, sobbing at the kitchen table rocking back and forth.
But today, this trigger hit me so hard. Maybe because since March I have locked all my feelings up so tight in a little ball. Deep down inside where I could forget about them and keep being a good teacher, a good mom, a good wife.
But this hit so hard. The imagery was exact. Take away the supernatural elements and you had a funeral home that looked almost exactly like the one we sat in 8 months ago, with 4 siblings trying to say goodbye and not lose it entirely. And I did... lose it entirely. I broke. Sitting there in my bed next to my husband, watching a dumb horror show, I broke. I sobbed and sobbed like I haven't  since the funeral. Even after my tears slowed I laid in my bed too broken to get up. Finally I did and I went about slamming pots and pans, hacking up squash with a clever and punching my cupboards. Then I cried more, angry crying. I was so angry. So sad. So tired. It was the worst of the BAD DAYS.
But in the end you pull yourself up, you have kids to feed and things you do, a job and people who count on you. So today will be just one more BAD DAY TO add to the pile. You dust yourself off and move on. Grief is like that.

Tuesday, September 25, 2018

Noise Cancelling Earphones

Despite knowing in our heart that something was going on with Bug since he was 2, it took us until after he turned 8 to finally get a diagnosis, and we actually are still trying to get in to see a actual Autism Center. There are very few resources up here. So I am still very new at most of this. Luckily he is so high functioning that with patience and help from his teachers it is getting better. The hardest part has been that each school year it's a 50/50 draw to see if his teacher will help us and work with him, or not. Last year did not go so well. So far though this year seems to be going great. One thing that definitely is helping this year was that I finally did some more research into ways to help the sensory issues with children on the spectrum. I know I myself suffer from sensory issues and I know how hard it must have been for Bug the last 9 years.
Last week was Open House at the school. Bug is in 4th Grade now and Riv is in UPK. We got there early and it was really nice. Not too many people, I got time with both kids teachers, and I got to talk to Bug's teacher about everything. Then Riv pulled us into the Gym to show us the obstacle course. Suddenly we were in a sea of people. Screaming children and loud parents everywhere. The noise was deafening even for me. Bug started to turn white, he was covering his ears, started almost crying, and was rocking back and forth. He grabbed my arm and started begging for me to take us out. Riv was looking up at me with her big green eyes saying "Mommy please come see my obstacle course". I had about 4 seconds to make a decision before I had a meltdown on my hands. So I excused myself from my friend I was talking to, scooped up Riv, apologizing to her, and led Bug out of the noise.
That night I went online and did some research and found that it is common for kids with Autism to wear noise muffling or noise cancelling earmuffs or headphones. So I asked Bug what he thought about it and his exact words were, "Mom that could change my life!" I started crying realizing something so simple could actually have such a huge impact. So I ordered a pair.
Well they came today and he wore them to school. He said he wore them during gym and recess. He loved it. It made his day so much easier. When he came to my work after school he wore them to drown out the sounds of my class while he sat at my desk and did his homework. He seemed so much more calm. Anytime loud noises are getting too much for him, he now has an outlet, a way to escape. Every time I can do even a small thing like this to make his world a little better, it just makes me so happy. Who knew a pair of earphones could do all this!

New Direction

So the last few years I have come back to this blog over and over only to very quickly drop it again, simply because my life had gotten to hectic, or I just really didn't have anything to write about because the focus of this blog was so narrow. I have come to realize though lately that there is so much more to my life than just gardening, compost, recycling, etc. I am a homeowner. I am the mom of an Autistic and ADHD son. I am a loss Mom. I am a Rainbow Baby Mom. I am a teacher in my forth year of having my own classroom. I am a cook. I am a crafter. I am political. I am a wife of going on 13 years. I am a friend. I am a coffee addict. I have no fashion sense. I am the mother of 2 school aged kids. So being a Green Mommy is only part of what makes me me. So I think I am going to change the name of the blog but I am not sure to what. Those who know me... ideas?

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