Tuesday, June 25, 2013

D and C

Well a few days ago I had my D and C. As you know I finally chose to find a new doctor. I just had had enough of my doctor not helping me and after calling half the OBGYN's in this town and being told over and over that they can't help me because they work too closely with my doctor, I took myself to the next town over. I found an OBGYN clinic that came highly recommended. I fell in love instantly, and immediately felt a sense of safety and calmness that I haven't felt since my midwife. I never felt that with the OB I had with Asya. So they scheduled me for a D and C after they immediately on my first visit diagnosed me with retained placenta. Whether it was from Asya or a second MC, we will never know, but all I know is that for just under 16 weeks I was bleeding and showing a positive pregnancy test. Not being able to move on physically caused me to not be able to move on emotionally.
So Thursday of last week I went in for surgery. We were told to show up by 8AM. Unfortunately though due to some emergencies I didn't have my surgery until 12 PM. However once they got me to the OR I do not remember anything except that when they woke me up I was in a different room and was very confused. I never had much pain. I haven't had much bleeding. I spent the weekend burying my Grandmother and then spending time with family I hadn't seen in years. I honestly never even really felt I needed to take it easy. I am doing really well. All in all it was a good experience.
I really do feel that I am glad I did not have a D and C when we first found out we lost Asya, because I needed to hold her, I needed to bury her. I am glad for that, but I should have had one within a few days or weeks after losing her, not 15 and a half weeks later. I really am so glad to finally have found a doctor who I feel safe with and who I feel has my best interests at heart. For the first time in 17 weeks I feel like I am ready to look towards the future and move forward and perhaps begin TTC again. As much as I do not look forward to the fear of losing another child which I know will be with me the whole pregnancy, I so look forward to bringing home our Rainbow Baby.

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