So this morning I called my OB and told her of my change of plans. I chose to take the medicine in order to speed things along. I had done my research, I knew what to expect, what the possible complications and risks were and was ready to face what came.
I was talking to a dear friend over FB when I began to feel contractions. It was about 5:30. They came on suddenly and strong. I wasn't sure what I was feeling as I never got to have contractions, labor or anything with my son. I had always wanted to have a water birth with my son, and those dreams were cut short when the word c section was said. So I was in the middle of telling my friend something when I felt a very strong "POP" followed by what I assumed was a flood of blood.
I got up and ran to the bathroom and when I realized that what I had felt was my water breaking I almost laughed. I had never gotten to feel that before. As the waters ran down my legs, I drew a bath... knowing I would finally get a water birth.
I lay in the bath sort of suspended on my knees and felt a strong urge to push. My body just knew what it was doing. I pushed and then there floating in the clear bath water was a tiny perfectly formed little baby. It was about the size of a grape. I held my hand out and it just washed up onto my palm like it was sleeping so peacefully and wanted to be held by it's Mommy for the first and last time. I just held it in my hand for about 10 minutes. Just stared at this tiny beautiful baby. I cried and I loved. I just relished the thought that I can always say I held both my children in my hands at least once. (If you don't count the two losses that were under 5 weeks).
About 10 minutes later the first wave of the rest of it hit. I won't go into too much detail with that aspect of it.. but the majority of the rest came out all at once. I am pretty sure the majority of the miscarriage is over. I am still in pain both physically and emotionally, my heart though is light. I got to say goodbye, I got to have a real birth and I got to hold my baby in my hand. Glory be to God, I am at peace.
Someday we may have another take home baby, but I know in my heart now I have seen and held both my children and though one is gone, the other is a happy healthy 3 yr old and every moment of every day he makes my heart smile. For now, though I am still sad, I am joyful too. I know I chose the right path and once again, realized natural parenting, and natural medicine and healing is always the best path.
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