Wednesday, September 21, 2011

To My Bug

Over the last 2 years you have made everything better. You made my life worth living.. not just existing.. but living.. really living. I see the world a new through your eyes. Some nights I just watch you sleep and breathe and know that in this singular moment everything is perfect.
The day you were born the world stood still. The doctors were all talking at me.. making me sign things that said I could die.. that you could die that this was a risk. Everything just was so hushed that morning. It was black outside and so quiet. I laid back in that bed holding you tight inside of me. I watched your foot move across my belly as though you were saying... "hi Mom soon I will be here".
When they came to take me to the OR I could just see the first lights of dawn coming up on the horizon. My room was slowly getting sunny and I knew that in a few moments my world would change forever. They had taken Daddy away. They told him he had to eat breakfast in order to not faint. They took him away to eat and walked me towards the OR. I remember everything as a blur. Doctors talking.. but really I was all alone. The only friendly face was my dear midwife who came to hold my hand and talk me through. Needles, wires, tubes.... all a blur. I do remember though that at precisely 8 AM they let Daddy back in and he took my hand. We smiled at each other. I was so calm but Daddy was already misty eyed. I held my breath. I did not let it out again it seemed until the moment I heard you cry. You were born at 8:17 AM. They lifted you up, cut the cord that bound us together for almost a year of our lives and in that moment we both sobbed. It was the end of something so precious but the start of something so amazing. Daddy cried too. You stopped first I think. They weighed you all laughing because you were the biggest baby they had seen in a while. You weighed 9 lbs 7 ounces and were 21.5 inches long. You were so pink and round and perfect. You came out perfect! Not blue or squished.. just perfect.
At some point it became apparent to me that you were being passed towards me. I could not hold you because of all the tubes and wires but Daddy held you. He held you and I saw something change in him forever. Then all in a moment they took you and Daddy away. They told me to just lay back and relax. After another half hour or so I was being told I was all set and now could be brought back to my room. A few minutes after I was brought back to our room they brought Namma and Daddy back in. I was so groggy and tired but I wanted so badly to hold you.. to feed you. Then as if by magic you were in my arms. I was so scared. I didn't know if my heart was big enough to love someone so much. I did though. I held you and my heart just burst. My heart exploded into a million fragments. I loved you more than words could ever say.
That was 2 years ago tomorrow. It seems so long ago... and yet at the same time like it was just yesterday. Now as you hover on your second birthday I need you to know how much you are loved. How much I wake up everyday knowing no bad can come to us while your bright face still has a smile on it. I know we spoil you sometimes... and I know you have daddy and I wrapped around your finger.. but you are still polite, kind and careful. You are the sweetest child I have ever known and I may be biased but I know plenty of people who agree. You are a dear little man and everyday I see more and more of the man you will become someday. You have always been amazing, reaching milestones far faster than expected. You smiled at 8 days, laughed at around the same time, rolled over at 2.5 months, had hand eye coordination at 3 months, sat up at 4 months, spoke your first words at 5 months, crawled at 5 months, stood at 5 months, walked holding on to things at 6 months, walked without anything at 9 months and walked well at 11 months. You said 2 word sentences at 11 months, and were speaking full sentences by 21 months. Now at 2 you are just a wonder. You help with dishes, draw, tell us stories, help feed the pets, know all your animals, colors, letters, numbers, even all the dinosaur names. You are just amazing.
I love you more than you will ever know. May your 2nd birthday be as happy for you as the day you were born was for daddy and I.

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